Quiz 42 · Word Choice, Wordiness, and Register

First, the idea

Most of the language quizzes in this series have asked whether a sentence is right or wrong. This quiz asks something different. In most of its questions, every choice is correct grammar. The question is which choice works best. Two things decide it: how many words the sentence uses, and what kind of English it is written in.

Start with the second one. Everyone who speaks English speaks more than one kind of it. The English you use with friends, at home, and in text messages is casual English. The English that a landlord, a boss reading a job application, or the GED test expects is formal English. The kind of English a piece of writing uses is called its register. Casual and formal are two registers. Most people move between them every day without thinking about it. You talk one way to your cousin and another way to the clerk at a city office. Many of you also move between English and another language, and that is the same skill, used across a wider gap.

Neither register is wrong English. Casual English is real English, with its own rules, and it does a job formal English cannot do: it tells the person you are talking to that you are close, that you are on the same side. Formal English does a different job. It lets a stranger read your words and take them seriously, without knowing you. The documents on the test are written to readers who do not know the writer, so the test asks for formal English.

The hand drawn above is closed around the handle of a hammer. Think of the hands of anyone who works with tools: an electrician, a carpenter, a baker. They do not carry every tool they own to every job. They carry what the job needs, and they choose tools that suit the place they are working in.

A sentence is a job, and its words are the tools a working hand carries to do it. A good worker carries the tools the job needs and no more, because an extra tool is only weight; it does no work. A good worker also picks tools that fit the place. The tools for a kitchen are not the tools for a roof, and both sets are real tools. In writing, extra words are tools the job does not use. Choosing a register is choosing the tools that fit the place.

Tools the job does not use

Writing that uses more words than its meaning needs is called wordy. Wordiness comes in a few shapes, and each one is easy to see once you know to look for it.

The first shape is a long phrase that has a short form meaning exactly the same thing. Read this line from a note at the bakery.

At this point in time, the walk-in has the ability to hold forty trays.

At this point in time means now. Has the ability to means can. Swap in the short forms.

The walk-in can now hold forty trays.

Nothing was lost. The sentence says the same thing with seven fewer words, and the reader gets to the number faster. Other long phrases with short forms: due to the fact that means because; in the event that means if; in order to means to.

The second shape is saying the same thing twice. Read this one.

In my personal opinion, I think the new schedule is fair.

In my opinion and I think say the same thing: this is what I believe. Personal says it a third time, because an opinion that is mine is already personal. The hand is carrying three of the same tool. Keep one.

I think the new schedule is fair.

Other pairs that repeat themselves: each and every, past history, end result, free gift, repeat again. In each pair, one word already holds the whole meaning.

Here is a caution, and it matters. Shorter is better only when the shorter sentence says the same thing. If cutting a word cuts part of the meaning, the word was doing work, and it stays. The goal is not the fewest words. It is the fewest words that say exactly what you mean.

Tools that do not fit the job

Some words are not extra. They are just too loose to do the job. Words like stuff, things, a lot of things, issues, and deal with it can point at almost anything, so they point at nothing in particular. Read this note from the staff board.

Somebody left stuff all over the flour room again.

What stuff? The person who left it may not even know the note is about them. Now read a version that names the thing.

Someone left two open bags of rye flour and a dirty scoop on the flour room floor.

This version is longer, and it is better. Each added word does work: it tells the reader what to look for and what to put away. A vague word is a tool that almost fits. The exact word is the one made for the job.

Keeping the doer in the sentence

Quiz 36 ended with a sentence that had nobody in it: the bowl was covered. Who covered it? The sentence does not say. A sentence built this way, where the thing that was acted on comes first and the person who acted is left out or pushed to the end after by, is said to be in the passive voice. Read this one.

The back door was left unlocked by the closing crew last night.

The closing crew did the leaving, but they arrive near the end, after by. Put the doer first, and the sentence gets shorter and plainer.

The closing crew left the back door unlocked last night.

Sometimes a writer truly does not know who did a thing, and then a sentence without a doer is honest. But when the writer knows, the doer belongs in the sentence. And when a sentence asks someone to do something, the person who must do it has to be named, or no one will feel asked. The check is the same question Quiz 36 taught: who did it?

Tools that fit the place

Now the register. Here is a text one tenant sent to a friend.

ugh the sink's been leaking for like a week, super annoying

In a text to a friend, that is good English. Like and super and the missing capital letter tell the friend this is easy talk between people who know each other. Now the same facts, in a letter to the building's landlord.

The kitchen sink in apartment 4B has been leaking for a week. Please send someone to repair it.

The facts did not change. The tools did. The landlord gets the apartment number, the room, and a clear request.

Here is the trap on the other side, and the test sets it often. Some writers believe formal means fancy, so they reach for the longest words they know. Read this notice.

Staff are requested to endeavor to utilize the side door prior to 6 a.m.

Endeavor to means try to. Utilize means use. Prior to means before. And are requested leaves out who is asking. Here is the same notice in plain formal English.

Before 6 a.m., please use the side door.

A long, important-sounding word is a heavier tool than the job needs. It makes the reader work harder and gets nothing more done. Formal does not mean fancy. The best choice is usually the plain formal word: use, start, before, help.

Three checks

Each check is a question you can ask of any sentence.

What does this word do? If it says something the sentence already said, or nothing at all, it is an extra tool. Cut it. If cutting it would lose part of the meaning, keep it.

Who did it? If you know who acted, or who must act, name that person or group, and put them before the verb.

Who is reading, and where? A friend, a manager, a stranger at a company, a test grader. Choose the tools that fit that reader. For anyone who does not know you, that means formal and plain: no casual words, and no fancy ones.

One more word about the place. The test measures one register, formal written English. It does not measure whether you can talk to your friends, comfort your mother in the language she raised you in, or make a coworker laugh on a bad shift. Those are skills too, and you already have them. Nobody should tell you your everyday English is broken. It is a full set of tools for its place. What the test asks is that you can also pick up the other set when the place calls for it. Quiz 57 comes back to this and treats the different Englishes you speak as strengths, because moving between them on purpose is a skill.

On the test, these questions arrive as dropdowns inside letters, notices, and memos. Often every choice is correct grammar. Legal is not best: the right choice is the one that says exactly what the writer means, in the fewest words, in the English that fits the reader.

Worked example — thinking out loud

In his second week on nights, Ahmed Diallo, the bakery's new night baker, found the walk-in warm at 2 a.m. The walk-in is the bakery's big cold room. Its compressor, the motor that keeps it cold, had stopped. Here is the text he sent to Daniela.

walk-in is warm, compressor not running. moving butter + cream to coolers w/ ice. call me when ur up

Many people would call that bad writing, because it has no capital letters and uses ur for you're. Run the checks on it. What does each word do? Each one carries a fact Daniela needs. Who is reading, and where? Daniela, his manager, at 2 a.m., who knows the walk-in as well as he does. For that reader in that place, these are the right tools. It is a good text.

Later, an electrician found the cause: a worn wire in the building's old electrical line to the walk-in. The company that manages the building owns that line. Daniela, the assistant manager, sat down to write to the property manager there, the person who runs the building for its owner. Her first try at one sentence was this.

So basically our walk-in kinda died on us because of the wiring, which is your guys' thing, and we need it fixed ASAP.

Read it aloud. It is clear, and it is how Daniela would say it to a friend at the counter. Ask the third check: who is reading, and where? A property manager she has never met, at a company that gets many letters. So basically, kinda died on us, your guys' thing, and ASAP are casual tools. The facts are right, but the tools do not fit this place.

Here is the tempting path. Daniela decides to sound as formal as she can, and she trades every casual word for the biggest formal word she knows.

Please be advised that our refrigeration unit experienced a cessation of operation due to the fact that the electrical infrastructure under your purview was deficient, and it is imperative that remediation be effectuated at the earliest possible juncture.

It sounds formal. Run the checks anyway. What does each word do? Please be advised that does nothing; the reader is being advised just by reading. Experienced a cessation of operation means stopped working. Due to the fact that means because. At the earliest possible juncture means soon. Who did it? Remediation be effectuated: by whom? The sentence asks for a repair and never says who should make it. And the property manager would have to turn the whole thing back into plain English before she could act on it.

Why it fails, in one sentence: Daniela traded casual tools for heavy ones, and heavy tools are still the wrong tools, because formal does not mean fancy.

The right path keeps her facts, uses plain formal words, and names who must act.

Our walk-in cooler stopped working because a wire in the building's electrical line had worn through, and we are asking your company to replace it.

What does each word do? Each one carries a fact or the request. Who must act? Your company, named. Who is reading? A stranger at a business, who gets plain formal English. Notice that this version is about as long as Daniela's first try. The job was never only to cut words. It was to carry the tools the job needs, and to pick the ones that fit the place.

☞ Behind you: Quiz 36 (modifiers, where the doer vanished from the bowl was covered; here the doer comes back), Quiz 38 (verb tense, and Daniela's report on the night the walk-in failed; this letter goes to the people who must fix it), and Quiz 41 (words that sound alike, the other kind of word choice the test checks). Ahead: Quiz 57 (register and moving between kinds of English, where the Englishes you speak are treated as strengths) and Quizzes 48–52 (the essay, where every sentence you write is formal English for a reader who does not know you). In plain words first: Grammar: Start Here, Part 5.

Part B · The skill in the wild

In Ahmed's second week on nights, the walk-in stopped working, and Quiz 38 was Daniela's report of that night. An electrician later found a worn wire in the building's old electrical line to the walk-in. The company that manages the building owns that line, so the repair is theirs to make. Here is Daniela's letter asking them to make it. The reader is a property manager Daniela has never met. Five decision points. At each dropdown, choose the version that says exactly what Daniela means, in the fewest words, in the kind of English a letter to a business expects. Most of the options are correct grammar; choose the best one.

OKAFOR'S BAKERY

Nostrand Avenue · Brooklyn, New York

October 28, 2026

Ms. Teresa Lindqvist, Property Manager
Building Management Office

Dear Ms. Lindqvist:

I am the assistant manager of Okafor's Bakery, on the ground floor of your building. I am writing about the electrical line that serves our walk-in cooler.

1 [a. Three weeks ago, during our night shift, our walk-in cooler stopped working, and pretty much everything in there went bad. / b. Three weeks ago, during our night shift, our walk-in cooler stopped working, and we lost about $800 worth of butter, cream, and dough. / c. Three weeks ago, during our night shift, our walk-in cooler stopped working, and a lot of things were affected.] Our night baker found the problem at 2 a.m. and saved what he could, but much of it had to be thrown out.

2 [a. The next day, a worn wire was found in the building's old electrical line to the walk-in. / b. The next day, it was discovered by an electrician that there was a worn wire in the building's old electrical line to the walk-in. / c. The next day, an electrician found a worn wire in the building's old electrical line to the walk-in.] He made a temporary repair, and he told us the wire needs to be replaced. That line belongs to the building, not to the bakery.

3 [a. Due to the fact that the wire has not been replaced at this point in time, the same failure could happen again at any time. / b. Because the wire has not been replaced, the same failure could happen again at any time. / c. Because the wire has not been replaced yet as of now, the same failure could happen again at any time.] Our walk-in holds the butter, cream, and dough for every order we bake, and our holiday pie orders begin next month.

4 [a. We ask that your company replace the worn line by November 13. / b. We need you guys to get the worn line replaced ASAP, like by November 13. / c. We hereby request that replacement of the aforementioned line be effectuated no later than November 13.] The electrician's report is enclosed.

5 [a. Thanks a bunch, and hit me up if you've got questions. / b. Should you require any further information or clarification regarding this matter, please do not hesitate to contact me at the bakery at your earliest convenience at (718) 555-0142. / c. If you have questions, please call me at the bakery at (718) 555-0142.]

Thank you for your attention to this repair.

Sincerely,
Daniela Vega
Assistant Manager, Okafor's Bakery

The key — and why the tempting answers tempt

Part A

1. C. In the event that means if. You should make sure to becomes the plain command print. A command does not need to say you; the reader knows who is meant. Out and for them add nothing: a receipt printed for a customer who asked is already for them. All four choices are correct grammar, and C says the whole meaning in the fewest words. Legal is not best. B is the near-miss. It swapped in if, so it looks fixed, but it kept you should make sure to and out for them, tools the job does not use. A cut the end of the sentence and kept the long phrase at the front. D is shorter than the original, but it moved the long phrase to the end instead of cutting it, and it says customer twice.

2. A. Return already means bring back. Return back says back twice. Keep one: return the trays or bring the trays back. C tempts because it is the echo: it has the same word, return, and a reader hunting for the repeat may stop on it. But C uses return once, with nothing doubled. B and D say the same job in other words, once each.

3. D. D names the flour, the count that came, the count that was ordered, and the damage. The company can check every fact and fix it. It is the longest choice, and every added word does work. B tempts because it is short and sounds firm, but a lot of problems tells the company nothing it can look up. A uses issues and fix things, two loose tools that point at anything. C uses stuff and things, which are loose and casual both. The trap is believing that shorter is always better; the rule is the fewest words that say exactly what you mean.

4. B. B names the child, the day, and the reason, in plain formal English. A teacher is a reader who does not know this family well, and B gives her the tools she needs. C tempts most, because it sounds the most formal. But please be advised that does nothing, unable to attend is a long way to say absent, and due to the fact that means because. Formal does not mean fancy. A uses casual tools, gonna and a doctor thing. D uses FYI, which is text-message shorthand, and leaves the reason hanging at the end.

5. D. Please place your orders asks the customer directly, and before is the plain word for prior to. The date stays, so the meaning stays. A is the near-miss: it changed one word, submitted to placed, and kept hereby notified and prior to, the heavy tools. B is heavier still: the submission of orders is required to take place, and it never says who should order. C is short and friendly, and it cut too much: the date is gone, and the date was the point of the sign.

6. A. Who did it? I, named before the verb, twice: I made, I put. It is the shortest version that says who made the mistake. B is legal and does name Daniela, which is why it tempts. But it names her at the end, after by, the long way around. D sounds responsible and complete, and it hides the doer: a mistake was made, by no one. C does the same with there were mistakes made. When the writer knows who did it, the doer belongs in the sentence.

Part B — Daniela's letter

1. b. The loss, named exactly: about $800, and what it was. The property manager can see what the failure cost. Option a is how Daniela would say it at the counter: pretty much and went bad are casual tools. Option c sounds more formal than a, and that is its pull, but a lot of things were affected is loose: what things, and affected how? It also hides who lost them.

2. c. Who found the wire? An electrician, named before the verb. That matters in this letter, because the finding of a trained electrician is the reason the company should act. Option a is shorter, and it tempts for that reason. But it drops the electrician, and with him the proof. Shorter is better only when it says the same thing. Option b keeps the electrician but pushes him to the end after by, inside it was discovered that there was: the long way around.

3. b. Because does the work of due to the fact that. Has not been replaced already means up to now, so no time phrase is needed. Option a carries two long phrases where one word and none will do: due to the fact that and at this point in time. Option c fixed the front of the sentence, which makes it look done, then said up to now twice more: yet and as of now. The hand is carrying three of the same tool.

4. a. A clear request, a named doer, your company, and a date. Firm and polite, in plain formal words. Option c is the tempting path from the worked example: hereby, aforementioned, and be effectuated sound official, and they hide who should do the work. Formal does not mean fancy. Option b has the right facts in casual tools: you guys, ASAP, like. Between friends, fine. To a stranger at a company, it reads as if the writer is not serious.

5. c. It says what to do, call, and where, with the number. Every word works. Option b tempts because it is how many business letters end, and none of its phrases is wrong on its own. Together they are tools the job does not use: further information or clarification says one thing twice, regarding this matter and at your earliest convenience add nothing, and do not hesitate to contact me means call me. Option a is casual: thanks a bunch and hit me up belong to friends.